What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
