I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
