so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
