just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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