Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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