Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
