my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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