I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
