i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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