jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I believe in your delicious
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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