I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
