Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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