there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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