The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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