we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
