TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
