There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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