Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
