my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
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