Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
