everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
