omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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