Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
