I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
