so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
