if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
