she looked like the bat from fern gully.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
