I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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