I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
