2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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