I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
