i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
