She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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