I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
