I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
