hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she pinky promised me she was 18
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
