Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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