i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
