The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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