If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
