Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
