I think scott just propositioned me for sex
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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