He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
