You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
