you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
