Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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