but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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