The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
