If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Randomize
