Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
