well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
only you would photoshop your dick
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
