she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
