My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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