is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
